I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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