I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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