they need to just BURY HIM!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
