listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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