some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
