I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
