Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
