i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
