Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
