the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
