I am in a vortex of obligation.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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