evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
