I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
