scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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