I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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