I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
