are you so shy because you have an std?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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