i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
