Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
