My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
