i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
