just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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