Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
