Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
