I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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