found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
