Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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