the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
