When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
