I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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