I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
