So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
