I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
