Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
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