I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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