Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
