i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
