I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
