Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
