never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
