I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
