Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
