What a fucking waste of an outfit
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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