What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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