we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
