help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
