where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
