so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
