When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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