Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
