so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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