My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
