I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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