Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
