non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
