what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Bang-toberfest begins!!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
